Compiled by Pa Sylvester AKUMBU TOH (Human Rights Defender)
INTRODUCTION:
The present state of matrimonial oath-taking of the Kedjom Ketinguh marriage customs would be rather a puzzle to an observer from another ethnic group. This narration will throw some insight into Kedjom Ketinguh marriage customs. It will record and analyze the interface of love, unity and indissolubility of marriage in Kedjom Ketinguh cultural heritage. It should be noted that, the Kedjom Ketinguh People are a Cameroonian Ethnic Group, whose lifestyle today reflects the richness of their cultural heritage. They are one of the ethnic Tikari groups of the Bamenda grassland with a single language without significant dialectical variations. The relevance of the Kedjom Ketinguh marriage customs is situated within a consciousness of their ancestral times. It is, therefore, a ceremony or an event that marks an important stage in a person’s life. It is a rite of passage.
KEDJOM KETINGUH MARRIAGE CUSTOMS WITH METHODS OF MATRIMONIAL OATH-TAKING
Unlike most African peoples, the Kedjom Ketinguh people have a bride price in their marriage customs, a principle which has stood the test of time and exposure to the customs of other Tikari ethnic groups. Other features peculiar to the Kedjom Ketinguh marriage customs is that the daughter of a woman is given in marriage by her father. This is an element of continuity. The marriage gifts given to the bride must not exceed those given to her mother when she was getting married. The word ‘bride-price’ in the past referred to dowries though it is no longer used nowadays. Its use will however persist for as long as there is a cultural need for it. It maintains the dynamic unity of the two dimensions of marriage – a union of the couples and an alliance of the two families.
APPLICABLE PRECEDENTS
A key feature peculiar to the Kedjom Ketinguh marriage customs is that the daughter of a woman is given in marriage by her father. This feature becomes more important for the endorsement of the matrimonial oath-taking. It is important that these applicable precedents are understood and addressed through intra-family dialogue. Consequently, there is a need to identify the applicable precedents.
PRIOR CONSULTATIVE ARRANGEMENTS AND PROPPING UP TRADITIONAL ELEMENTS
Previous to the matrimonial oath-taking appointed day, there are usually prior consultative arrangements made before a date is fixed. This prior consultative arrangement depends upon many factors, such as the consensus between the two families and the family custom of the bride. The fixing of this date highlights the support of the key family members. The approval of the focal reference person is needed for this date to be fixed. Many simultaneous elements are sorted out during these consultative arrangements.
CONVENING POWER OF THE COMPETENT AUTHORITY TO PERFORM THE MATRIMONIAL OATH- TAKING
The person who acts as a competent authority or a promoter is the father of the bride or his representative. His representative enjoys the proxy which should be given to a father who has special responsibilities and whose opinion is valued. The landmark event, marking the matrimonial oath-taking takes place on the appointed day at the resident of the reference point person. On the appointed day the proceedings of the ceremony start with the assemblage of the audience comprising the kith and kin of both bride and son-in-law designate, the spectators, guests and witnesses. They are all assembled in the father’s sitting room and on the verandah. The bride’s kinship welcomes their in-laws with food. Just as in any social institution there will be a head who governs and control the institution, so in the family is found the head that the rest respect as their authority. The Father plays the role of an Imprimatur (Official approval of something, giving by a person in a position of authority). Indeed, the Father speaks with the resonance of authority and in the dialect of the Kedjom Ketinguh People. He articulates the cultural and psychic dimensions. He is the person with the credential to administer and sanction the matrimonial oath-taking. He fulfills in Kedjom Ketinguh marriage custom an indispensable function. He expresses, enhances and codifies belief. He safeguards and enforces morality. He is therefore a custodian. He will not abandon his role in face of difficulties.
THE PRESCRIBED CONCRETE GIFTS AND THE CENTRALITY OF LOVE
Before taking the decision to marry a woman from Kedjom Ketinguh, the husband-to-be will need a clear idea of the gifts involved. There are guidelines on how to constitute the gifts. The essence of these gifts is part and parcel of the Kedjom Ketinguh marriage customs. The husband-to-be offers to the girl’s father a gift of a calabash of raffia-wine and say either that he begs for ‘food’ or that he is dying of hunger. If the father and other relatives drink the wine, and do not refund the cost, it is a sign that the man has been accepted. These gifts are indicative only of the higher priority given to love. Indeed, love is a yardstick for determining the validity of the matrimonial oath-taking. This is a cherished tradition because a human being is priceless.
CUSTOMARILY SPECIFIED SACRED ELEMENTS AND THE TIES OF KINSHIP
Maintaining conformity to the accepted patterns of behavior, the suitor will endeavor to offer gifts in keeping with the precedent of the mother of the bride. The suitor is supposed to meet the requirements of the gifts. If the bride accepts the husband but later in the course of the marriage life decides to change or withdraw from the marriage, the responsibility for refunding the gifts and any costs which the husband might have incurred is not on the bride but on the entire family. The giving of these sacred elements (salt, oil and drinks) in traditional marriage reveals not only the unbroken tradition but also the sacredness of the concept of the ties of kinship. A gift of salt is made, the quantity dependent upon the means of the suitor. Most of these gifts are shared among family members of the girl. Marriage in Kedjom Ketinguh’ tradition is therefore not a two-person affair. It is as it were, the affair and concern of the two families from where comes the couple.
HOLDING TALKS ON CONTENTIOUS ISSUES ACCORDING TO CUSTOMS
A lot of talks are held either on stage or behind it on terms of reference. In case of any difficulty or controversy, there are talks which are held. Indeed, when two families converge together for any common object, they are obliged as a matter of course, in order to secure the advantages accruing from united action, to dialogue on certain issues. This is because no two persons perhaps are to be found, however eager to have one heart and one soul, but must deny themselves for the sake of each other, much which they like or dislike, if they are to live together happily. There is a lot of discernment in this holding of talks. The parties make sure that they discuss each side of an issue fairly and fully.
TRACK PROFILE REVIEW PROCESS OF THE TWO FAMILIES
The matrimonial oath-taking is an oath of equity and he or she who comes to equity must come with clean hands. Before the commencement of the matrimonial oath-taking, the father-in-authority undertakes an investigation to probe into the lineages of the intending spouses for any impediments. This exploration concerns the specific health defects that may interfere with the welfare of the family life. The intending spouses must satisfy all the conditions of eligibility. These conditions are complex and the main impediments may be unacceptable blood relationships, family feuds as well as health conditions. The family of the bride meticulously and scrupulously checks the information provided by the groom during the investigation process and certifies that it is accurate. The matrimonial oath-taking process could be discontinued if the exploration finds an impediment. If after investigation the father, finds no impediment between the families, his gives his approval for the matrimonial oath-taking process, which means that he has investigated the intending spouses and found them worthy to entry into the matrimonial oath-taking. He, then, invites the man’s relatives to bring forward the raffia wine so that the man may be given ‘food.’ The Kedjom Ketinguh’s traditional customs believe that the union of husband and wife expressed in the union of one flesh must always be open to new life and furthermore uphold that sexual relation within marriage with no impediments. It is almost like a visa process. This exploration is focused on greater transparency and wider participation. It is aimed at helping the intending spouses to recover the meaning and importance of the family. This exploration is explicitly didactic, being instrumental in the socialization of the young by providing role models and explicit instructions in sex education.
THE SOLEMNITY WITH WHICH THE EXCHANGE OF CONSENT IS DONE
There is a considerable use of non-verbal language in the exchange of consent. Non-verbal or symbolic language is far more applied in the process of the exchange of consent than the verbal. Non-verbal language is transmitted through visual perception. The assemblage, comprising of the guests, witnesses and spectators watch the process carefully. This high point is the cross-examination of the bride to ascertain the husband- to -be.
THE PROBING OF THE BRIDE FOR HER ACCEPTANCE AND THE GIVING OF HER CONSENT
One of the obstacles in the matrimonial oath-taking is when a woman deliberately refuses to accept the husband-to-be. Prior to the matrimonial oath-taking it is very important that the girl freely gives her
informed and binding consent, so that it is not a forced marriage. The bride is probed to ensure that her acceptance is not superficial. Here, the bride goes through an ordeal of a kind of trial. It is the responsibility of the bride to publicly confirm that the husband to be is suitable to her. This consent is the pivot of the matrimonial oath-taking. Without this consent, the matrimonial oath-taking is null and void. Any recognition of the husband to be is on the basis of the terms of this consent. The husband agrees to be bound by it. The giving of the bride’s acceptance is one of the central requirements of the Kedjom Ketinguh marriage customs and it is the heart of the marriage. It is also the climax of the marriage ceremony. The acceptance of the bride is of great interest and significance. The bride’s acceptance presupposes that she knows what she is doing. This is an absolutely fundamental precept of Kedjom Ketinguh marriage customary ethics. This requires the bride’s family to give normal precedence to the bride’s wishes rather than to the views of any person in authority about a husband that would be best for the bride. Where the bride is unwilling to give her valid consent, the family authority must make a judgment about how that bride’s best interests can be protected and promoted. Parents are expected to act as an advocate for their children and this is made clear in a spectacular public ceremony. In Kedjom Ketinguh marriage customs, the giving of consent creates an almost equally strong union between the couples themselves and between them and their respective kins-groups. The marriage oath or vow extends (beyond the couple) to their respective kins groups. The choice is up to the bride to decide who her husband is.
THE HONOUR AND CHARGE OF UNCORKING THE CALABASH OF RAFFIA WINE AND GIVING A START TO THE MATRIMONIAL OATH-TAKING ACCORDING TO CUSTOMS
The uncorking of the calabash of raffia wine is a momentous decision and so a pertinent pact in traditional Kedjom Ketinguh marriage. This is an important point, because it shows unanimity of purpose in the matrimonial oath-taking. The uncorking of the calabash of the raffia wine signifies a dynamic thrust forward. This uncorking of the calabash of wine is normally done by the bride or her proxy in her absence.
At the heart of the matter is the non-verbal exchange of consent. This is the climax moment of the matrimonial oath-taking. The girl is told that the man has brought the raffia wine on her behalf and is invited to put the raffia-wine in a horn-cup or a special cup. She proceeds to drink a bit of it, and passes it to her “husband to be” who also drinks a bit of it and gives the rest to the Father to drink.
The rest of the wine is shared out to signify that the man and his family are now united with the woman and her family by this marriage. This is the Kedjom Ketinguh communal spirit. The serving of the wine is a sign of communal consent and so concludes the exchange of consent process. The matrimonial oath- taking is therefore transcendence. This matrimonial oath-taking is an amazing union between the couple and an alliance between the families. It is within the context of African communalism/collectivism as opposed to westernized individualism.
KINDRED OBLIGATIONS AND RELATIONSHIP
A binding commitment to observe all obligations already negotiated except where it can be clearly demonstrated that there is need to waive them. Exceptions to the rule include existing well known
obligations such as those imposed by customs. The two families now have reciprocal obligations. The new son-in-law is told to pay a lot of attention to the activities of the people of the compound-head, helping where he can, and generally making himself known and liked. These obligations are family- centred rather than individual.
THE WEDDING FEAST
There is rejoicing and feasting after the breakthrough of the matrimonial oath-taking. Quite often the family of the bride provides the communal feast. The meal is served to the wider community. The consumable gifts brought by the in-laws (groom’s family members) are joined with the food prepared by the bride’s family.
ESCORTING THE BRIDE TO HER HUSBAND’S HOUSE
A delegation from the bride’s family reaches a highly commendable height by escorting the bride to her husband’s house. They deserve a big pat on their back. This role remains one of the most memorable as it marks the official beginning of the family life. It adds grandeur to an already glamorous and splendid spectacle. The bride is handed over to her husband’s house without reserve.
SPECIAL RESPONSIBILITY
Within the context of the Kedjom Ketinguh traditional marriage rites, the male relatives of a deceased husband have a special responsibility to his wife and the widow is obliged to them. Furthermore, a man who gives bride-price on behalf of his wife, pledges directly or indirectly to be responsible to his wife and her kins group for as long as the marriage lasts and even beyond. In like manner, a woman who allows her parents to accept bride-price on her behalf, pledges to be obliged to her husband and his kins group for as long as the marriage lasts and even beyond. As such, death does not destroy the marriage vow in the Kedjom Ketinguh traditional marriage rites, since the vow extends (and is transferrable in such circumstances) to other members of the kins group and makes it possible for the widow to be inherited.
A widow who for one reason or the other, refuses to be inherited and migrates either to a boy friend’s home or her paternal home, is regarded as a member of her deceased husband’s kinsgroup. If she begets any children in her new home, they are equally regarded as the deceased man’s children. This state of affairs can be avoided only on condition that the widow refunds (or somebody does so on her behalf) her deceased husband’s bride-price. If before that is done she dies, her boyfriend (or the person to whom she migrated) is obliged to have her corpse buried at her deceased husband’s home. On the other hand, the late man’s kinsmen are obliged to bury her and celebrate her feasts as a full member of their kinsgroup. In the same way, a man who apparently divorces his wife by sending her away without reclaiming his bride-price is obliged to her. Whatever misfortunes befall her, he is expected to intervene. If she dies, he is obliged to bury the corpse and celebrate the feast as if they were not divorced. There is no such thing therefore as divorce, except divorce with a refund of bride-price.
THE INTRINSIC WORTH OF KEDJOM KETINGUH TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE RITES
Once we understand the role of Kedjom Ketinguh traditional marriage rites, it becomes difficult to say that it is marriage by purchase. The marriage rites are a convention and vehicle by which the depths of the traditional matrimonial vow are reached. The thrust of this small reflection, therefore, is that Kedjom Ketinguh traditional marriage rites provide the checks and balances on marriage by purchase. The question which I will appreciate contributions on this small reflection is: Where did the notion of marriage by purchase in the Kedjom Ketinguh traditional marriage rites come from?
CONCLUSION:
Nothing is fixed and permanently stable. There must be movement forward, which is progress of a sort, or movement backward, which is decay and deterioration. In this context, tradition can be a force for good or for evil. This is as long as it offers a guide (without insisting that its path is the only one), it helps the inexperienced and the uninformed to take a step forward and thereby to adapt to changed circumstances. The better course is to accept the help which tradition can give but realizing that it necessarily has its roots in the past, to be well aware of its limitations in a changing world.
Let us draw inspiration and uphold the sublime richness of the Kedjom Ketinguh cultural heritage.
